Welfare services for parents and children

Happiness of adults leads to happiness of children

table of contents

Is school refusal the parents' fault?

We spoke with Kuromitsu Saori, the editor of this column.

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School Social Worker (SSW)A parent came to me, who works in the field, to ask about their child's refusal to go to school, and asked me the following question:

"Are there any commonalities between parents whose children don't go to school? Both of my children don't go to school... I wonder if it's my fault."

I answered.

"There is a common thread. They blame themselves, thinking, 'It must be the parents' fault.' School refusal is not caused by how they were raised."

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Many people blame themselves, but raising children is not just about parents and families; everyone needs to support and help each other.
Adults need allies too. While issues surrounding children, such as school refusal, social withdrawal, and mental health, are attracting attention, children are not the only ones struggling.
"Adult loneliness" and "parenting isolation" come first, and if support is not provided, it also affects the children.
When adults can live in peace, it also leads to peace of mind for children.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Doing so will set an example for your child when they are in trouble in the future.

Here are some stories from families who came to us for consultation.

Building professional allies outside of schools

The child A, whose parents came to us for consultation, had difficulty communicating and reading and writing. We introduced him to a consultation support center for children with disabilities.After undergoing a developmental test, it was discovered that he had a learning disability (LD) and needed developmental support.

By attending after-school day care services and receiving developmental support tailored to A's needs, he was able to do more and make friends. At school, he was able to take notes on the board using a tablet and keep up with the lessons.

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[Related systems]

• Tokyo Metropolitan Support Center for Developmental Disabilities…Consultation and support desk for those with developmental concerns
• Child Development Support Center: As an institution that plays a central role in supporting children with disabilities in the local community, it provides developmental support and support to families, primarily to preschool children with disabilities or those at risk of developing disabilities, tailored to the developmental needs of each child depending on the condition, developmental status, and characteristics of the disability.
• Parent Mentor: A counselor with experience raising a child with a developmental disorder
• After-school day care services: Provide developmental support and support to families for school-age children with disabilities, tailored to their developmental needs based on the condition of their disability, their developmental status, and the characteristics of their disability.

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If school refusal disrupts the balance of your family...

When a child is not attending school, their siblings may also become demanding in an attempt to get their parents' attention.

While B's mother, who is not attending school, is busy supporting her, her three-year-old sister has started throwing tantrums and acting out more frequently. However, the mother only has one body, and there is also a lot of housework to do.Although the mother is a very hard worker, there are limits to what she can do alone to handle two children with difficult conditions.

So we introduced B to a children's center where she could spend the day, giving her mother time to spend some time relaxing with her sister.

In addition, the younger sister used temporary childcare provided by the local government, which allowed the mother to focus on supporting Mr. B and create time for herself to relax. The younger sister now has more time to play freely and to interact with adults other than family members.

B was able to find a place to belong and connect with friends, her sister's tantrums decreased, and her mother felt more at ease.

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[Related systems]

• School counselor: A psychological expert who provides advice to children and parents at school.
• Board of Education Counseling Office: Advice desk for school life, family relationships, etc.
• Children's centers, children's cafeterias, etc. Places where people can feel safe in the community
• Temporary care business...A system that allows you to leave your children in care for occasions such as childbirth, illness, weddings, funerals, and other ceremonies, as well as when you want to be away from your children for a while.
• Kindergarten after-school care: A system in which children are looked after after kindergarten hours have finished.

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Support for balancing work and caregiving

There are also families where children who are not attending school and parents have to care for grandparents at the same time.

Mr. C, who is not attending school, lives with his parents and his grandmother, who has been certified as needing nursing care. His grandmother receives daytime care from a home helper. However, Mr. C, who cannot go to school, and his grandmother, who cannot go out, are always alone together.C's grandmother was always worried about her and tended to become depressed. Seeing her like that, C also began to feel sad.

So, when Ms. C's parents consulted with the care manager, the manager suggested using day care services. The care plan was revised based on the situation of the grandmother and the family, and it became possible for the grandmother to use the day care services three times a week. Interacting with people outside has increased the number of times that the grandmother smiles.

When Mr. C went to pick up his grandmother, he was happy to greet other elderly people, and he became accustomed to interacting with people and was motivated to go out. He is currently attending school in a separate room with the aim of going on to high school.

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[Related systems]

• Care manager: Liaise and coordinate with nursing care insurance facilities, etc. to ensure that appropriate nursing care insurance services are available according to the circumstances of the person requiring care and their family.
• Home care: Home helpers visit homes and provide care for daily life such as meals and toileting, as well as assistance with cooking and laundry.
• Day care: Visiting a facility to receive assistance with daily activities such as meals and bathing, as well as training and recreation to restore function.

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Each system has its own conditions of use. For information on the procedures for using these systems, please consult a school social worker (SSW) or the child-rearing consultation center in your local ward, city, town, or village. You can find child-rearing consultation centers on this portal site.

In addition to public support, there are an increasing number of private organizations providing local support. It is also recommended to gather information from social welfare councils and information corners in public facilities.

Don't try too hard with just your family

Many parents raising children work hard. However, I hope they don't try too hard. Let's take advantage of systems, people, and places, and support each other in raising our children.

Please keep in mind that sometimes, by making things a little easier for parents and family members, the child's condition can miraculously improve.