For those of you who are confused by your child's school refusal

To help parents process their own feelings and overcome conflicts and tensions within the family

table of contents

It's natural to feel anxious

The term "school refusal" is becoming a term that everyone knows.

However, when your child is unable to go to school, you may feel shocked and confused, thinking, "I can't believe this is happening to my child..." or "I don't know what to do."

Some people may be overcome with anxiety and feel guilty, thinking, "Maybe I raised my child poorly" or "Maybe I wasn't disciplined enough."

However, this is a normal, natural reaction.Very few people are able to calmly accept the situation or seek help from the beginning.

The process of changing one's heart

It takes time to accept that your child is not going to school. Just knowing this may put your mind at ease.

At first, you may find it difficult to accept the situation, thinking that it's probably just temporary, and find it difficult to rely on others or ask for advice.

You may also feel tired as you try and fail to encourage your child to go to school, even if you force them to go, and the situation does not improve.

After going through this period, as you gradually come to terms with your child's school refusal, you may begin to feel like taking inspiration from those around you or looking for options other than school.

As they meet other parents and children who have had similar experiences at counseling centers and support agencies, they realize that their child is not special, and gradually begin to accept their child as they are.

Misalignments and conflicts within the family

However, not all family members undergo these changes at the same time.

School refusal is often seen as a "child's problem," but in reality it is an event that has a major impact on the entire family.

As the number of days children stay home from school increases, conflicts within the household become more noticeable. In particular, differences in how parents interact with their children and their attitudes toward them can arise depending on the amount of time spent with them.

If you spend a lot of time with your child at home and are responsible for encouraging them to go to school on a daily basis, you will be one step ahead of others in thinking, "I want to let my child rest for now and see how it goes."

On the other hand, when parents have few opportunities to see their children directly, they may think, "We shouldn't spoil them," or "We should force them to go to school," which can lead to conflicts of opinion within the family.

In addition, ideas and values ​​regarding child-rearing can differ depending on the generation, making it difficult to seek advice from grandparents and other generations, which can leave parents feeling isolated.

First, calm your mind

The most important thing to do to resolve family conflicts is to first achieve your own mental stability.

It is natural for parents to be upset when their child stops going to school.Don't deny how you're feeling right now, and take care of yourself.

"I don't know what to do," "Is it okay for things to continue like this?" Simply talking to someone about these painful feelings can help ease your mind. There are many places to seek advice, such as school teachers, school counselors, school social workers, educational support centers, and child and family support centers.

When a parent is there for them in a calm and reassuring manner, the child will feel that everything is okay.

However, you may find it difficult to spend time with your child who is unable to attend school.

In such cases, it may be a good idea to take some time to refresh yourself, even if it means getting help from those around you.
(Reference) Welfare services available to parents and children

Even if it's just for a short time, taking a walk in the park or relaxing at a cafe can be a great way to relax your mind.

Once you have more free time, it might be a good idea to do some of your favorite things with your kids.

To overcome this as a family

Once you feel more at ease, why not try expressing your feelings to other family members?

In order to resolve family differences and conflicts, it is very important for the entire family to share their feelings.

By communicating honest feelings such as, "I'm worried about my child's future, but I don't want to force him to go to school," or "I want my child to be healthy," parents can come to understand each other's positions and feelings.

Through repeated dialogue, the discrepancies and conflicts within the family gradually resolve, and an environment is created in which the family can move in the same direction and accept the child.

There are many people who will support you emotionally.

This portal site allows you to search for such support, so please try using it even for small things.